Somebody you love has just told you they're starting chemotherapy, and you want to do something. Anything. So you find yourself online at eleven at night trying to work out what on earth you're supposed to buy a person whose life has just been turned upside down.
We talk to people going through this every day, and we hear what actually gets used. Here's what to buy, what to skip, and the thing that matters more than any of it.
Start with what treatment is really like
It helps to know what the days look like when you are on chemo. Chemotherapy treatment itself usually means long hours sitting in a chair with a drip, in a room that's colder than you'd expect. Then a few days at home feeling rough, then a stretch of feeling more human before it starts again.
So the gifts that work are the ones that make cold rooms warmer, long hours shorter, and bad days slightly softer.
Things that keep loved ones warm
Chemo units run cold, the drugs go in cold, and treatment often leaves people feeling the chill, so think about buying:
- A soft blanket, ideally small enough to carry to appointments
- Proper warm socks, the thick sort
- A hot water bottle with a washable cover
- Fingerless gloves, which sound odd until you've tried holding a book with a cannula in your hand
Warmth is the single most common thing people tell us they were grateful for.
Chemo hats for sensitive skin
Hair loss usually starts around two to three weeks in, and the scalp often turns tender before that. What most people have in the wardrobe, wool hats with scratchy seams and stitched-in labels, becomes unbearable within an hour.
A soft bamboo or cotton chemo hat is seam-free and gentle on skin that's become far more sensitive. An easy-tie head scarf is already shaped to fit, so there's no complicated folding and very little tying, which matters enormously on a low day.
A word of caution, because this one is delicate. If they haven't lost their hair yet, or haven't talked to you about it, a hat can land as a reminder they weren't ready for. There are two ways round this. Either ask them directly, which most people appreciate more than you'd think, or choose a gift card so they pick their own colours when the moment comes.
If they've already losing their hair and have a few hats or scarves already, a second hat is genuinely welcome. Everyone we speak to says the same thing: they wish they'd bought more than one, because whatever they're wearing needs washing.
Things that pass the time
Four hours in a chair is a long time, and concentration is often the first thing to go, so think about activities that are simple and can be picked up/put down easily such as:
- An audiobook subscription, since podcasts and audiobooks suit people too tired to focus on a page
- A puzzle book, crossword collection or something to do with the hands
- Comfortable headphones, ideally with good battery life
- A power bank, which is the item people forget and regret most
- A magazine subscription, so something nice turns up every month rather than once
Skip the demanding literary novel. This is not the season for it!
Small comforts that get used up
The best gifts during treatment are often the ones that get used regularly and need replacing, so think about:
- Fragrance-free lip balm, the item people are most grateful for and the one nobody thinks to buy
- Unperfumed hand cream, since hospital air is dry and hands take a battering
- A soft, gentle shampoo or body wash
- Sugar-free mints or boiled sweets, which help with the metallic taste some drugs leave
- Nice herbal teas, though check with them first, because tastes change completely during treatment
Keep everything fragrance-free where you can. Smell becomes a real trigger during treatment, and a strongly scented candle can genuinely turn someone's stomach.
After surgery
If they've had breast surgery, a mastectomy pillow is one of the most practical gifts going. The heart shape tucks under the arm and takes pressure off healing skin, and the ties mean it stays put in the car, which is where seatbelts can be uncomfortable.
It's a common gift between friends and family for exactly that reason. Nobody buys one for themselves in advance.
Gifts that aren't objects
Often the best gifts are:
- A lift to an appointment, offered for a specific date rather than in general
- A cooked meal dropped at the door with no expectation of being invited in
- A cleaner for a month
- Doing the school run on treatment weeks
- A supermarket delivery slot, paid for
- Sitting with them for a few hours so their partner can go out
Make it specific. "Let me know if you need anything" puts the work back on them, and they haven't the energy to organise you. "I'm free Tuesday, shall I take you to chemo?" is a real offer.
A few things to avoid
- Strong perfumes, scented candles and heavily fragranced anything
- Food hampers, unless you know exactly what they can face, because appetite and taste go haywire
- Supplements, vitamins and herbal remedies, as some interfere with treatment and it puts them in the awkward position of having to refuse
- Anything that implies they should be fighting harder or thinking more positively
- Books about beating cancer, unless they've asked for one
The thing that matters more than the gift
Keep turning up.
Almost everyone tells us the same thing about the months after diagnosis. The cards and flowers arrive in the first fortnight, and then it goes quiet, and the quiet is worse. Treatment carries on for months after everyone else has moved on.
A text in month four means more than a hamper in week one. You don't need to say anything clever. Most people are desperate for one conversation that isn't about cancer.
If you're still stuck
Ask them. It feels like a cop-out and it isn't. People going through treatment are usually relieved to be asked something practical they can actually answer.
If you'd rather not, a gift card lets them choose their own colours and sizes when they're ready. We keep a small collection of things worth giving if you want a starting point, and our guide to what to take to a first chemo appointment doubles as a decent shopping list if you're putting a bag together.
Whatever you choose, the fact that you're looking at all says the thing you're trying to say.
Frequently asked questions
What do you buy someone starting chemotherapy? Comfort and warmth work best. A soft blanket, warm socks, fragrance-free lip balm and hand cream, something to pass long hours in the chair, and a soft hat if they've talked to you about hair loss.
What should you not buy someone having chemo? Avoid strong fragrances, supplements and vitamins, and food hampers unless you know what they can eat. Taste and smell change dramatically during treatment.
Is a chemo hat a good gift? Yes, if they've already started covering up or have talked to you about hair loss. If it hasn't come up yet, a gift card avoids raising something they may not be ready for.
What's in a good chemo care package? Warm socks, a small blanket, lip balm, hand cream, sugar-free mints, a puzzle book or audiobook credit, a power bank and a soft hat. Aim for things that get used up rather than things that sit on a shelf.
What can I give if I can't afford much? Time. A lift to treatment, a cooked meal, a school run or an afternoon of company are worth more than most things you can buy. Offer a specific date rather than asking them to let you know.
